When deciding to write this blog, I realized that not everyone was going to like what they read. I was prepared for critical comments about my writing, my views or even my character. To me, if you are going to accept the good then you have to accept the bad as well.
Sometimes negative comments really do lead to insightful things about the way I go about things. You never know where a lesson can be learned. In addition, it can make for some debatable points.
The first comment I’d like to put on display is a comment in reference to my “Dating Lessons on a Thursday” article.
“The irony here is that women don’t make approaching easy to begin with. Labeling a guy a “pussy” because he doesn’t tear off his shirt, pound his chest, then swings you of your feet with relentless charm is absurd. If most women were actually approachable and didn’t come off as ice queens whom the male has to warm up just to keep the conversation going, then maybe more men would “grow a pair”. Furthermore, you seem like the type of lady that considers herself “strong” and “independent”, yet for some reason you shy away from taking action where it’s actually difficult and many times emotionally draining. Word of advice: If you want the feminist movement to take any sort of foothold, then you should probably take all of the negative social responsibilities that are labeled as “male roles” (paying for dates, approaching without considering the guy a pussy for not doing so, etc.) as well as the positive ones (higher pay, no slut-label, etc.)”
Let me start by saying that sometimes, yes, women don’t make it easy. We can be stand offish. We can be with a group of girls, making it even more nerve-racking to talk to us. However asking you to make the first move isn’t too much to ask when WE have to carry a kid for nine months and push it out. Women aren’t asking for sonnets at the bar, boys. We are simply asking for a “hello”.
I would also like to highlight the “Ice Queen” remark. It’s a funny thing really. Girls aren’t born that way. You know WHY women tend to be icy towards the male gender? Well, it can usually be traced back to ONE ASSHOLE who broke her heart for sport. With that said, I get that we really shouldn’t make every guy pay for the behavior of one. Not every guy is going to make you cry. By the same token guys, it would be sort of helpful if you all weren’t giving each other kudos at the horrendous way you treat women. You don’t want us to be icy? Then maybe you all should have a pow wow with each other on the acceptable way to treat the opposite sex. My friends and I do this all the time. Do you know how many times Ella has called me on being mean to guys? When I was dating my last mistake, in the beginning, Justine had to guide me through the give and take thing because I was pushing him away without realizing it.
Finally, I am independent and I am strong. I also take action when need be. However, I am NOT your mother. I do not want to hold your hand and guide you through courtship. A guy wouldn’t want to take on the father role with me so why should I for him? Yes, a guy should pay for the first few dates but that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t pay afterward.
Do I shy away from making the first move? ABSOLUTELY! Do I shy away from letting someone in completely? DAMN STRAIGHT! Is it something im SUPER proud of? NO! However, I know it’s a HUGE defense mechanism because I really didn’t find it enjoyable to cry my eyes out everyday.
The last comment was one that I was really annoyed by at first. It was in reference to my ‘Surviving New York Dating? How Much Are You Drinking?” entry. I guess somewhere in the blog I asked why I didn’t get any numbers during my fleet week outing and the answer according to this reader was that I was shallow.
At first I was pissed. Trust me when I say, I am not shallow. My friends often comment on the guys I find attractive. However, when re-reading my entry, I suppose I could see how someone may say that.
First off, I’m not just talking about physical attractiveness. Do you know how awful it is to walk down the street and have morons, hanging outside of trucks, saying the most disgusting things to you? How about to date someone who you think is so great and sweet but then, out of the blue, becomes SO FULL of himself that the boy you fell for is pretty much dead? New York really is the mecca for unattractiveness if you look at it that way. The majority of guys here are all interested in money and really don’t care who they have to hurt and abandon to get it. **NOTE I DIDN’T SAY ALL GUYS. I’m getting better.
Honestly, if I were really shallow, I’d have this physical ideal guy in my head and I’d refuse to settle for less. I don’t. While not being shallow I do admit to being spiteful. I mean really spiteful. I am so spiteful that it does go hand in hand with who I think is physically attractive now at days.
Physically, all a guy has to do is be more attractive than my ex. That’s it! We hang out in the same circles because we know the same people and I would like to rub his smug little face in it.
In conclusion, I hate to disappoint the commenter. I really am not shallow at all. Unfortunately, I’m just a typical scorned girl who wants to prove to ONE person that she can do better.