Confessions and Debates

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When deciding to write this blog, I realized that not everyone was going to like what they read.  I was prepared for critical comments about my writing, my views or even my character.  To me, if you are going to accept the good then you have to accept the bad as well.

Sometimes negative comments really do lead to insightful things about the way I go about things.  You never know where a lesson can be learned. In addition, it can make for some debatable points.

The first comment I’d like to put on display is a comment in reference to my “Dating Lessons on a Thursday” article.

“The irony here is that women don’t make approaching easy to begin with. Labeling a guy a “pussy” because he doesn’t tear off his shirt, pound his chest, then swings you of your feet with relentless charm is absurd. If most women were actually approachable and didn’t come off as ice queens whom the male has to warm up just to keep the conversation going, then maybe more men would “grow a pair”. Furthermore, you seem like the type of lady that considers herself “strong” and “independent”, yet for some reason you shy away from taking action where it’s actually difficult and many times emotionally draining. Word of advice: If you want the feminist movement to take any sort of foothold, then you should probably take all of the negative social responsibilities that are labeled as “male roles” (paying for dates, approaching without considering the guy a pussy for not doing so, etc.) as well as the positive ones (higher pay, no slut-label, etc.)”

Let me start by saying that sometimes, yes, women don’t make it easy.  We can be stand offish.  We can be with a group of girls, making it even more nerve-racking to talk to us.  However asking you to make the first move isn’t too much to ask when WE have to carry a kid for nine months and push it out.  Women aren’t asking for sonnets at the bar, boys.  We are simply asking for a “hello”.

I would also like to highlight the “Ice Queen” remark.  It’s a funny thing really.  Girls aren’t born that way.  You know WHY women tend to be icy towards the male gender? Well, it can usually be traced back to ONE ASSHOLE who broke her heart for sport.  With that said, I get that we really shouldn’t make every guy pay for the behavior of one. Not every guy is going to make you cry.  By the same token guys, it would be sort of helpful if you all weren’t giving each other kudos at the horrendous way you treat women.  You don’t want us to be icy? Then maybe you all should have a pow wow with each other on the acceptable way to treat the opposite sex.  My friends and I do this all the time.  Do you know how many times Ella has called me on being mean to guys?  When I was dating my last mistake, in the beginning, Justine had to guide me through the give and take thing because I was pushing him away without realizing it.

Finally, I am independent and I am strong.  I also take action when need be.  However, I am NOT your mother.  I do not want to hold your hand and guide you through courtship.  A guy wouldn’t want to take on the father role with me so why should I for him?  Yes, a guy should pay for the first few dates but that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t pay afterward.

Do I shy away from making the first move? ABSOLUTELY!  Do I shy away from letting someone in completely? DAMN STRAIGHT! Is it something im SUPER proud of? NO!  However, I know it’s a HUGE defense mechanism because I really didn’t find it enjoyable to cry my eyes out everyday.

Make sense?

The last comment was one that I was really annoyed by at first.  It was in reference to my ‘Surviving New York Dating? How Much Are You Drinking?” entry.  I guess somewhere in the blog I asked why I didn’t get any numbers during my fleet week outing and the answer according to this reader was that I was shallow.

At first I was pissed.  Trust me when I say, I am not shallow.  My friends often comment on the guys I find attractive. However, when re-reading my entry, I suppose I could see how someone may say that.

First off, I’m not just talking about physical attractiveness.  Do you know how awful it is to walk down the street and have morons, hanging outside of trucks, saying the most disgusting things to you?  How about to date someone who you think is so great and sweet but then, out of the blue, becomes SO FULL of himself that the boy you fell for is pretty much dead?  New York really is the mecca for unattractiveness if you look at it that way.  The majority of guys here are all interested in money and really don’t care who they have to hurt and abandon to get it. **NOTE I DIDN’T SAY ALL GUYS. I’m getting better.

Honestly, if I were really shallow, I’d have this physical ideal guy in my head  and I’d refuse to settle for less.  I don’t.  While not being shallow I do admit to being spiteful.  I mean really spiteful.  I am so spiteful that it does go hand in hand with who I think is physically attractive now at days.

Physically, all a guy has to do is be more attractive than my ex. That’s it! We hang out in the same circles because we know the same people and I would like to rub his smug little face in it.

In conclusion, I hate to disappoint the commenter.  I really am not shallow at all.  Unfortunately, I’m just a typical scorned girl who wants to prove to ONE person that she can do better.

 

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Meeting Sir Drinks Alot

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Sunday night proved to be an interesting one.  I woke up without any hangovers from the previous evening and decided to go visit Ella in Queens.

Now before I begin, the joke in our little group is that Ella is a magnet for all Irish guys.  If there is an Irish guy within a 12 block radius, he’ll find Ella.  With that said, she has amazing radar for irish pubs in Queens.

Sitting in the outdoor garden of one bar, we began discussing love, her relationship, past relationships and how it seems that our ages are really beginning to creep up on us.

As always, I would make rude comments on how my future husband has taken so long to get to me, he’d be lucky if I smile at him let alone touch me.  She smiled and with a laugh asked,

“Do you ever wonder if this is why you’re single?”

Anyway, I retreated back inside to where the bar was located and immediately was distracted by this incredibly attractive Irish man.  He was tall, amazing blue eyes and dark brown spiky hair.  He looked like the boy band version of Pacey Witter aka Joshua Jackson from Dawson’s Creek.

So I did what any sober girl would do in that situation.  I ordered my drink and hurried back outside to giggle and blush about with Ella.

She immediately suggested that we go in and try to talk to him and, after a little while, I decided we should at least go inside.

I chose a seat directly in front of the acquired target and sighed as I imagined how adorable he’d look holding my hand along the city streets.

…Then I noticed his friend.

His friend was actually more attractive in a boyish sort of way.  I called him the love child of Jim Sturgees (the actor from “One Day” and “Across the Universe”) and Ryan Reynolds.  Once again, I did what my sober self normally does; watch the lovableness of the guy and drool from a distance.

Poor Ella kept asking me if I just wanted her to go up and talk to him for me.  I immediately declined that notion.  Granted, I don’t know much about the man’s way of thinking (dear GOD why would you even want to tread in the mess of porn and idiotic behavior) but I know enough that no guy likes that.

That is when Vince came up to me.  Vince was definitely not a Pacey, Jim or Ryan look-alike but he wasn’t UNATTRACTIVE.  No, being unattractive wasn’t my slight problem with Vince.  My caution was because he was DRUNK.

Drunken Vince kept asking me where I was from.  He then declared how he thought he was in love already.  He kept repeating how beautiful I was.  All things a girl wants to hear…FROM A SOBER GUY!

Readers, be proud though.  I kept an OPEN MIND and gave the drunken guy my number.  Why not?!

All the while Ella looked on with amusement and excitement since it had been a while since a guy talked to me at a bar without me giving him the cold shoulder.  So, being the amazing, superhero, fairytale princess that she is, the moment he left the table she went through his phone that he left with us.

Now, before everyone goes on a rant about a person’s privacy, let me explain.  Vince decided to leave his phone with me so he can chat up some other girl sitting at the bar.  He did tell me that was his friend that he left alone but…would you believe that?  Then he’d disappear and, I’d assume it was to smoke but, he is a guy.  To make a long story short, nothing incriminating was found in the phone.

While he was away, probably whoring himself because that’s what men do at this point, Ella gave me her instructions for this little experiment.

“If he calls you, you HAVE to go on at least ONE date with him.  Even if it’s to get you out of your slump.  It’s time.”

Then I started with my whole speech on how I was looking for husband material.  There is no romantic story to tell here.

“It’s a date. You aren’t marrying him and if he calls you, you are going.”

Given the nature of the experiment, I knew it was for my own good that I agree.  It’s time.  It really is.  How many nights can I spend angry and bitter over the past, right?  The only way to get over the hurdle of thinking that all men are going to hurt me is to not take it so serious and have a sense of humor about this right?

About this time, Vince’s friend Corey sat down with us.  Corey was more attractive than the look alike’s I mentioned above.  Corey looked like the love child of Nick Carter and Jason Siegel and I cried a bit inside over not being able to flirt with him without looking like a whore.

He spoke to Ella for a bit and Vince stumbled back and started to ask me AGAIN why I didn’t have a boyfriend because I was so beautiful.  I replied that maybe it’s because guys didn’t see me the way he does.

“What do you mean? I’m just looking at your face?”

Isn’t that sweet?  Charming even!  Wait for it…

“Unless they are just looking at your tits and are distracted.  You’ve got amazing tits.”

The words of a poet.

We left after that, saying good-bye to honey worded Vince and Corey, with a lesson learned.

Maybe the guys worth talking to are the ones that don’t approach you.  I know that I’m always saying that a man should be a man and all but, if he’s so comfortable with approaching girls, how often is he doing it?

With that said, it’s time I bite the bullet and start doing the approaching.  Even if it kills me.  Any advice here?  How does a girl approach a guy?  What does she even say?

By the way, I did get a text today from Vince asking if I remembered him.  Then he said it was great meeting me and how he wanted to meet me again.

Cute right?

That was before, “I’ve been trying all day to remember your name.  I’m sorry”.

One date isn’t going to kill me.  I can do this.  He may be an utter prince when he isn’t drunk.

 

 

Surviving New York Dating? How Much Are You Drinking??!

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This week was a very special week here in the Big Apple.  A post on yelp called it “A Girl’s Favorite Holiday”  This week was fleet week.  The one week where a girl like me can try to find her very own Dear John.

I had researched the hell out of google to find out EXACTLY what places I could find a visiting navy man.  I even made a schedule for my friends and I.  Well, guess what?

All that planning, plotting, wardrobe changes and do you want to know how many numbers I got?

NONE!  That’s right! Not a single one.  Not one.

Thank GOD Ella and Madison were with me because the three of us and can turn a Sunday Service into a party of a lifetime.

However, the night wasn’t a complete washout as far as men go.  I was visually stimulated by a few attractive guys in the greater New York City area.  This is a very rare thing because, not only does New York seem to be the Holy Land for every liar, cheater, and loser, it is also the mecca for every physically challenged male from lands near and far.

Don’t get to excited though.  One adorable, skinny tie wearing, blonde cutie pie was already making the moves on a cute blonde at the bar by the time we got there.

Two others were already sinking their adorable sailor claws in two lucky New York gals.

Don’t feel too bad though cause this lucky gal actually did get some male attention.

As the three of us were walking, this random guy announces how he wants to go wherever I’m going.

Yes, that is what every girl wants.  Some random unattractive drunken mess yelling in the street about his desire to hang out with her.

Fabulous.

Then, on the way to the train two guys, who wore their pants in the way Justin Bieber idolizes, decide to announce how

“I wouldn’t mind getting her pregnant.”

Dear God, is this my life now? Are these my choices?  What is WRONG with men today?  I really must be a jack ass magnet.  Honestly, these men are lucky that they aren’t dogs because they’d be put out in the backyard so Little Timmy could shoot them and put them out of their misery.

I realize that I have to keep an open mind, a fact that Madison constantly reminds me.  Yet, my mind can never be THAT open. Not even with the help of Jack Daniels.

Does anyone else attract men like this? If not, does anyone know the direct line to Cupid? He and I need to have a HUGE discussion on what he keeps sending me.  At this point I don’t know what’s worse; being frustrated with online dating or being frustrated with face to face meetings of men.

Dear Male Online Daters….

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I’ve come to the realization that I am, in fact, an online dating window shopper.  I log on, do a search and after a few horrific moments run for the hills.  I completely understand that people don’t meet the way they used to years ago.

There are rarely those magic moments at Starbucks.

It’s safe to say that I probably wont be bumped into by a Ryan Goslin look-alike while carrying a stack of papers.

Lastly, I am willing to pay any amount of money that I won’t be in one corner of a crowded room while Prince Charming is on the other. Our eyes will probably not meet, as Etta James’ ‘At Last” plays in the background.

With this acceptance, I’ve tried online dating more than I’d care to admit.

Now, previously I posted about “deal breakers” when it comes to relationships and face to face meetings.  However, in a world where technology is an obsession, I think it’s important to have a few “deal breakers” for the online world as well.

Dear Potential Suitors From The Online World,

1. I do not know you.  You could step on my toe and I still wouldn’t know you from Adam.  With that said, WHY ON EARTH would you take pictures without your shirt?  Would you approach me at a bar like that?  Are you so poor that you can’t afford a shirt?  I’m a bit confused.  Sir, if you think your 6 pack makes me want to hump my computer screen you should just hang yourself now.

2.  Posting pictures on a dating profile is hard work.  Every picture says something about you.  Want to know what that picture of you, taking a picture of yourself, in the bathroom mirror says?  “I don’t go out so I don’t have pictures of myself.”  “I have no friends so they can’t take pictures of me.”  Therefore, if I see the famous “bathroom mirror picture” I am going to assume you will be a needy workaholic that I am going to end up regretting.  You and Mr. No Shirt Guy should grab a beer sometime.

3. Please don’t write “I work hard and play hard” ANYWHERE on your profile.  If you really had a balance, you wouldn’t have to say you have a balance.  Plus, it really makes you sound like a jerk.

4. On OkCupid there is a portion of the profile where you have to list 6 things that you couldn’t live without.  The moment I read “sex” listed I’m immediately turned off.  I automatically assume you are a male whore and herpes is not on my list of things I want before turning 30.

5.  I’m pretty sure that I didn’t ask for a 12-year-old in my search options.  Why exactly are you pushing 30 and yet you’re wearing a side ways hat, pants down your ass and making the peace sign?

6.  No member of the male Jersey Shore cast should be your hero and, therefore, you shouldn’t resemble them with your waxed eyebrows and oompa loompa color.

7.  Yes, everyone has check lists but can we refrain from saying things like “If you aren’t a size four or under, save yourself some time and don’t bother to email me.”?

If you can give advice to the boys of the online world, what would it be?

Meeting the Parent’s and a No Number Night

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Nothing tastes as sweet as drinks on a Friday night.  It’s like every fiber of your body KNOWS that the work week is over and it’s time to celebrate the best you can.

Last Friday Ella, Adrianna and my other good friend Justine enjoyed a happy hour that lasted for about seven hours.  In that span of time, a lot of subjects came up.  The big one though was “When to Meet the Parents.”

Justine and her boyfriend have started to make plans to meet each other’s families.  Ella has already met her boyfriend’s mom.

When the question was raised about my thoughts on when a guy should meet my family, I laughed and said

“When we get engaged.”

I realize that this is an unpopular view of it.  But really?  My family is MY family and I really don’t think it’s right to bring someone into MY dynamic if they aren’t going to stick around.  It’s just cruel.

For example, my mother gets VERY EXCITED with the prospect of me dating anyone.  If I tell her they don’t have tattoos, she starts wanting to celebrate.  If I tell her they wear a suit and have their own house, she’s ready to plan the wedding.  She really is like a kid with a new puppy.

When it doesn’t work out it’s a mess.

What about me meeting his?  Why put me through the stress of it all if there is no guaranteed future in it?

Then we got on the subject of significant others meeting friends.

I am all for my friends introducing me to their boyfriends.  I enjoy meeting the newest member of our circle.  Them meeting any of my new boyfriends?  Eh, I’m a bit iffy.

Why? BECAUSE MY FRIENDS ARE MINE!  I really don’t want to share them. It’s like an invasion of everything I hold dear.

Even as I write this I already know how bizarre this is.  I know it’s really great when a guy wants you to meet his mom.  I know how fun it is when you and your boyfriend hang out in a group with his friends and yours.

You know what isn’t fun? Having to deal with the fact that you are all now in a shared circle. What if I really got along with his friends?

As I said before, this is all really the opinion of someone who is beyond frustrated with men.  I’m positive that this is some sort of defense mechanism that Dr. Phil would have a field day with.

However, for now, until a ring is on my finger I doubt he’ll be meeting my family.  Within six months of dating, he can meet my friends.

All the above is sort of moot though isn’t it?  There is no guy to meet my family or friends, probably because of the guys that consistently talk to me.

Ella and I were at this place on the upper east side with live music.  Within five minutes of our arrival, I spot a cute guy and point him out to Ella.  Well before she can push me in that direction I notice that he and his friends are swarming over this model type blonde girl.

Do you know who approached me?

This guy who was my height (five foot one) who, while trying to make conversation with me, failed to remember I was with my friend.  Note for guys, if you don’t have a wingman don’t neglect the friend.  Then, to make matters worse, he started telling me how he didn’t live here but how he LOVED New York and would want to move here some day.

I hate New York and want to leave some day.

I’ve decided to take a mini break and just rest from Monday to Thursday because this is ridiculous.  I must be giving off some sort of vibe that attracts a certain type.  Can it be gotten rid of with bleach?

Dating Lessons on a Thursday

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Thursday was an interesting day and evening for me.  I call it a “Classroom Day” because lessons seemed to be pouring in from the time I had breakfast till my Thirsty Thursday drink.

First came from my friend Carrie, the guru of all things romantic.  The poor woman has had to deal with my ups, downs, breakdowns, hangovers due to downs, hangovers due to ups, and complaints about the lack of good men in society.  After being out for two nights without being approached by a single male, she heard my most repeated statement,

“WHERE IS HE!? I’M EXHAUSTED!”

To this she replied with a smile,

“You’re only 27. You’re too young to be exhausted.  However, it’s okay to take breaks!  I know you’re on a mission but it’s okay to stay home to recharge.”

Lesson Number One: Going out six nights a week to try to find a guy will kill your bank account and your body.

Carrie then took it a step forward and sent me a link to relationship blog. Have you ever heard of Evan Katz?  He is a dating coach and apparently a relationship genius because I sat at work in complete awe of what he was saying.

Lesson Number Two: Don’t wait for butterflies!!!

This is my problem.  I’ve had butterflies before and I like them. I like the fluttering in my stomach, the nauseating feeling I get right before a big date, and the happy dance I do after an amazing good night kiss.

Apparently butterflies are full of trickery.  Butterflies will make you think you are with “the One” when in all reality you are just with ‘The One” for July.

By the time my mandatory work day was over, I was more than ready to head out and meet some potential suitors.  Adrianna sat a little table of an irish pub and took in the patrons.  An hour later a sweet female patron begins making conversation with us and listens to the premise of my little experiment.  When she asks me what my type is, even Adrianna is perplexed.

“Come to think of it, I don’t know what your type is!”

Truthfully, the more I thought about it, the more I didn’t know.  All the guys I’ve dated wouldn’t be able to fit neatly into a category.  There have been nerds, athletes, lost souls and mystery men.  The only thing they all had in common was that none of them seemed to be bad guys at first.

They started off really sweet and then…

I declared that I just wanted someone kind-hearted and attractive.  To this, our new friend replied,

“No you don’t!  You’d get bored!  What you need is a guy who is seemingly shady on the outside but really sweet on the inside.”

Lesson Number Three: Have a slight idea of what you are looking for.

As funny as it sounds, I think the prototype for the “ideal” would be a guy like Uncle Jesse from Full House.  When the show started he was kind of a male whore who rode a Harley and loved his family very much.  By the time it was over, he was a monogamous Harley riding dad of twins.   Keep in mind, I am not married to this ideal but I wouldn’t mind it at all.

Now, earlier that day I was reading lizfruitberry’s comment one of my previous blogs.  I think it was a very insightful comment about keeping an open mind when it comes to approaching guys because you never know who “The One” will be.

Lesson Number Four: Keep an open mind

Well, I kept that in mind when I approached these two guys.  My target guy looked like a better looked Michael Cerra.  He was even in a suit and we all know how I feel about a guy in a suit.

I HATE approaching guys. I do.  It is the bane of this whole dating exercise.  However, when I do, I usually go about it by asking them for their opinion on something.

“Hey, I’m sorry to bother you but my friend and I were having a debate on if guys like to be approached by girls better than doing the approaching…”

Lesson Number Five:  Get a better way to approach a guy

It turns out that he immediately thought I was trying to get Adrianna an in.  Then when I assured him it wasn’t, he answered my question and I was left to nod and smile as I turned and went back to my table.  What exactly is a good way to approach a guy who skipped the “Get A Pair” line in the creation stage?

So here are my questions to you guys: What do you think about the above lessons?  Do you have any to add? What is your most successful way to approach a guy who is to much of a pussy to do it on his own?

 

If I Scream Loud Enough, Will Cupid FINALLY Pay Attention?

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For the most part, I am very comfortable being single.  Being single means I can do what I want, when I want, and not have to explain myself.  It also means that there is absolutely no chance of me falling for a jerk.  It’s a perk.

However, there are times that my single-hood is downright painful for me to acknowledge.  It is on those days that I want to get on the bar, throw my hands in the air, and yell for mercy from the sudden attack of the lonely blues.

The sun was officially back in New York City last night so the girls and I decided to kick this experiment into high gear.  It was great in theory except for the fact that I get more butterflies over chocolate Ben and Jerry’s ice cream than I did over any of the guys around.

Either the guys were in their clusters and wanted no girl around them, the stench of workaholism hung in the air OR they were gay.

Then to further dig the dagger of spinster-hood deeper, the only guy that approached me was a guy old enough to be my father.

This bald, short, older excuse for a man started talking to me as I sat at the bar.  Seeing that I wasn’t having it, he decides to switch his approach.

Since WHEN is it okay to stroke someone’s arm when they clearly want to punch you in the face?

I readily admit that I may have “Daddy Issues” but do you know how I solve them? I go to concerts and get front row for gorgeous rockstars in their 40’s and 50’s.  I yell, scream and get myself into such a frenzy that my toes literally curl.

I have no use for a man whose old enough to have a daughter I can be best friends with.

Nights like that always trigger the loud, obnoxious, ticking of my biological clock.  I also realize that this sick, unhappy feeling is a fleeting one.  Tomorrow I will wake up and laugh at how silly I’m being.  Everyone is meant for someone.  I, nor you reading this, will die alone.

Today however….

Tell me, have you ever had a sudden attack of the lonely blues?  What do you do to get rid of them?

No Car, No Apartment, No Relationship

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Due to Mother Nature’s mission to drown New York, my happy hour experiment was turned into a continuation of the day’s topic; “Deal Breakers”.

Everyone preparing to go into dating battle has the long list of things they will not deal with.  Even if a potential mate has 90% of what you want, there could be one flaw that turns that relationship fatal.

Yesterday, my friend Carrie was telling me how at 23 her deal breaker list consisted of a guy wearing sandals, bald heads, not having a car, still living at home and being cheap.

Adrianna’s deal breaker is any guy who says his Hollywood equivalent is “the Hulk” because:

“In my experience that means he’s on steroids.  Come on! The Hulk?  Uncontrollable temper!”

My other friend, Ella, has mentioned on more than one occasion that inexperience and alcoholism are her two deal breakers.

Naturally this caused me to think of my own deal breakers. Some are probably ridiculous and could explain why I’m single.  Others will be on there till the day that my dating days are long behind me.   Below are my top ten deal breakers:

1. ***** For the love of everything holy, he cannot be an accountant.  Seriously, this is my number one.  I’d rather he be unemployed.  This isn’t even a joke.  I am surrounded by them all day long and either they have a serious case of workaholism OR they are striving to be workaholics.

2.  He can’t do drugs.  I don’t care if it’s “from the earth”.

3.  He can be close to his mother but there is a reason why they cut the cord the moment the guy popped out.  With that said, he can’t be a momma’s boy.

4.  I realize that for nearly a week of each month I’m not the most pleasant person to be around.  However, I can promise that I will try to never take out my frustrations on my guy.  This means if Mr. Wonderful is having a bad day at work, being snippy with me isn’t going to solve it.  Being an utter ASSHOLE isn’t going to make the jerk CEO any quicker.  For number 4, he can’t have mood swings that cause me to wonder if multiple personalities are at work.

5. Being needy isn’t attractive. I don’t need a guy to call me everyday and I don’t need to see him everyday.  BUT, I am not a winter coat either.  Please, sir, don’t adore me when it’s your off-season, your boys are out-of-town or you’re bored and then when everything changes, you can’t be bothered to even send a text. I guess the bottom line is that he can’t be clingy but he can’t be a dick either.

6. He can’t use ten-dollar words.  I love the fact a guy is intelligent but if you are throwing around random vocabulary to prove you can, shoot yourself.

7. He really should have a place of his own.  Living with mom when you are 30 is a turn off.  I realize that the economy is bad but that is what roommates are for.

8.  I know it seems silly but height is a deal breaker.  Under 5’8 and I get a bit iffy on everything.  Same thing with baldness. Oh! Also, having all your teeth is important as well.

9. He can’t be rude to my friends or family.  They were there LONG before him and a guy should remember that while THEY can’t be replaced, he could be in a heartbeat.

10.  ****He HAS TO have a balance in his life.  A guy can be ambitious about work but, dear GOD in Heaven, a happy hour every once in a while won’t be a set back on the corporate ladder.  Hanging out with the boys can be a lot of fun but does it really need to be everyday?  A hangover once in a while is fine but, Mr. Potential Prince Charming, it shouldn’t be a daily occurence.

Which ones do you agree with?  Which ones do you find utterly humorous? List your deal breakers below and let’s see how everyone’s list compares.

Will It Fall Off If You Take The First Step?

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I readily admit I have a lot of pet peeves when it comes to men, but my number one issue is that there seems to be a real lack of chivalry these days.  Men don’t give up their seat on the train (nevermind the fact that if you would stop pretending you have the Rock of Gibraltar between your legs, there would be enough space for the both of us), they don’t politely as us to dance and they don’t approach us ladies anymore.

My friend Adrianna and I were discussing this at Naples 45 last week.  (click here for my review http://www.singlegirlsguidetonewyork.wordpress.com ) After looking to further our experiment and seeing nothing of appeal, she began telling me how guys don’t ever approach her.  According to her the men around her don’t take any initiative to even say hello.

Adrianna, who missed her calling of being a model, can’t get a guy to grow a pair and be a man.

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this complaint.  It’s as if all men collectively decided to sit back and let us do EVERYTHING.  Is it not enough that females have to carry a baby for nine months?  Do men think it’s a hoot to have to squeeze a watermelon through the eye of a needle?  When did all the MEN turn into MAN-CHILDREN?

I then thought back to all my relationships.  Every guy that I have ever been involved with has always needed me to guide them in the direction of asking me out.  To be clear, it wasn’t a matter of trickery.  It was more like suttle letting them know I liked them so they would know they wouldn’t get turned down.

Really?  Shouldn’t this be the sort of thing you get over in grade school?

I get being insecure, I get being afraid of rejection, but if you never take the shot how will you know if you’ll get the girl or not? I completely understand that in a relationship it’s a give and take but guess what?  That first give should be in a man’s court.

If a man’s expectation is to have the librarian and the sex kitten rolled into one, then why do women have to take that initial step as well?!

If you’re a girl, please tell me your opinion on why men don’t take that first step and if you’re a man, can you break it down because all females are over practically clubbing you in the head and taking you to the woman cave.

Fairy Tales, Heartbreaks, Consequences and Experiments: Part Two

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If a person were to get into a car accident and break both legs, wouldn’t they need a bit of physical therapy to get them back on their feet?  I think a broken heart is no different.

With that said I’ve proposed an experiment to my friends who jumped on it with the same enthusiasm that Mr. Burns had when blocking out the sun in Springfield.

Since, I do not trust myself to NOT find yet another wolf in sheep’s clothing, I decided to leave my love life in the capable hands of my closest confidants. From now until the end of the summer, one day after Labor Day to be exact, my friends will have complete control over my romantic life.  This means that I will be completely at their mercy for two reasons; to get cure myself of my disdain for the male species and to entertain you folks at home.

Rules of the Experiment

1) When out on a girl’s night aka “on the prowl”, every girl will be on the look out for a potential guy for me. If i agree that guy is attractive, it’s time to approach.

2) When it comes to a guy being attractive, I am told I HAVE to keep an open mind.  “Not every guy is going to look like Gerard Butler.”  Also, if I see someone who I think is attractive I MUST be honest and acknowledge it.

3) If on date one I still have a semi attraction to him, I am committed to at least THREE dates.  Apparently, after date one I cut them off at the knees before retreating to an evening of “The Notebook” and Jack Daniels.

4) I am to understand that “I’m working late” doesn’t necessarily mean “I’m a workaholic that is going to treat you like a winter coat and ONLY pay attention to you when it’s off-season.”  This goes hand in hand with “You can’t punish an innocent guy because your ex was an ignorant dick”.

5) I am to trust my friends COMPLETELY and hope that they do not choose another regret.

Every date, every mishap, every night out will be documented and open for discussion.  This should be an interesting few months, don’t you think?